Tag Archives: Life

The Law of Attraction and Other Lies to Separate You from Your Money

The Law of Attraction goes something like this.  Your thoughts are pure energy.  Like energy (positive or negative) attracts like energy.  Therefore, if you have positive thoughts, you will attract positive outcomes.  Trust in the universe and it will give you want you want.

Co-author of The Secret, Lisa Nichols, gave an example of the Law of Attraction this way, “Every time you look inside your mail expecting to see a bill, guess what?  It’ll be there.  Each day you go out dreading the bill, you’re never expecting anything great, you’re thinking about debt, you’re expecting debt.  So debt must show up….it showed up, because the law of attraction is always being obedient to your thoughts.”

Easy.  Right?  Well, not so fast.  The bills didn’t show up because you went and bought things you couldn’t afford.  They showed up because you expected them to show up and the universe read your mind.  What do you have to do to get those bills to stop showing up?  Stop buying things you can’t afford?  No!!!!!  That would be silly.  Lisa has a solution.  She said, “Feeling happy and grateful for the money you already have, is the fastest way to bring more money into your life.”  Wow.  You don’t have to work for it.  Just be happy and grateful.  Buying her book wouldn’t hurt either.  Would it?

This advice fits the pill popping, quick fix, no responsibility segment of our society nicely.  It takes the responsibility away from the person.  The fix is as simple as thinking really hard about what you want.  Maybe writing what you want down 15 times a day or (this was advice actually given – no kidding) imagining a field of clovers.  No lie.  Image a field of clovers for 20 minutes a day and money will come your way.  Not only is this advice crafted to take your money but it also does a lot of damage.  While people are daydreaming about clovers, they aren’t taking action to fix their lives and pursue their dreams.

Do you want to know the real secret?  The secret of life and success?  Here is the secret.  On average, you will enjoy the level of success you deserve.  Let me say that again because most people will reject it.  I’m hoping you are one of the few who are ready to embrace the truth and take ownership of your life.  I’m hoping that you will take the responsibility for your life and your own success.  If you are still reading this, I’m betting that you are one of the few.  So again, on average, you will enjoy the level of success you deserve.  Yes.  Stuff happens.  Stuff beyond your control and you didn’t deserve.  A meteor shot through a woman’s roof and hit her in the leg.  Yup.  That qualifies as STUFF that HAPPENS.  How you respond to STUFF is what makes a difference in your life.  If you wallow and ask the horrible questions, “why me,” “why does this always happen to me,” “Why can’t I ever win,” you are going to get terrible results.  If you ask yourself the empowering questions, “What did I learn from this,” “How does this make me stronger,” “What can I do to get the best result from this situation,” you will progress toward success.

Focus on small, incremental and consistent changes in your actions and you will gain great levels of success in your life.  Don’t fall for solutions that take the responsibility away from you.  Don’t fall for solutions that claim unrealistic gains.  Don’t fall for solutions that require “massive action” because they will led to massive disappointment.

Success is possible.  We can help you.  Our solution will require you to take responsibility for your outcomes and together will create a platform for your success.

Hacking the cycle of our lives

Our lives follow a cycle. This cycle is as true for you as it is for me as it is for everyone on this planet. Bill Gates and a convict share this same cycle. It starts with our thoughts. The National Science Foundation estimates that we have somewhere between 12,000 to 50,000 thoughts per day, every day. Most of these thoughts go beneath our attention. Do you really notice the thought that you have chewed this bite enough and it is time to swallow? Our minds are constantly noticing, categorizing, evaluating and rationalizing. Mostly without our conscious control. Thoughts lead to emotion. It isn’t the other way around. In any situation, it is your thoughts that evaluate and project how this affects you or might affect you in the future that trigger your emotion. As with swallowing, many of these thoughts are too quick or subtile for us to notice consciously but they are there. Once we decide how we feel about a situation, we take action. That is action follows our emotions. Actions affect the situation. They affect the outcome of that situation. Again our thoughts come into play. They parse the outcome, evaluate it and determine how we feel about the outcome. These feeling will then become evidence for our thoughts when the next similar situation arrives. Let’s go over an example. Joe has been overweight his entire life. He’s tried to lose weight dozens of times. In fact, he has lost weight many times. He’s lost the same twenty pounds at least ten times but he never reaches his goal and he never maintains the weight loss he has achieved. January first comes around again. He makes a resolution to lose 50 pounds, again. After a great party on the 31st, he wakes up ready to take on his challenge . . . . . . maybe a little later in the day. Joe’s thoughts keep bringing up evidence from past failed diets. “I am fat,” his thoughts say. “This never works,” other thoughts say. “I am going to always be fat.” So now the day begins. He starts well with the little healthy breakfast bar and a walk. He keeps it up for a healthy snack and lunch but then his thoughts really gnaw at him. He sneaks in a little leftover Christmas chocolate. Now his thoughts have new evidence and really shout between his ears. Already, by 3 PM he’s thinking and, therefore, feeling like he can’t do this. As the days slip by, Joe goes off of his plan a little here and there. Then he goes off of it a little more and finally he gives up. He’s fat. He knows it. He’ll will try to lose weight again next year. Whether it is weight, starting a business, writing a book or whatever, this cycle of thought to feelings to outcomes to thought perpetuates itself between our ears and in our lives. It is automatic. It’s automatic, so we are doomed to it, right? No. Our brain is wired to be efficient. There is a lot of calorie burning going on up there. Our brain saves energy and saves ability to focus on other things, say that oncoming sabertooth, by creating these routines. It is good and healthy (and more importantly efficient) for the brain to create these cycles. So what do we do? How do we use these cycles to our benefit. There are several ways we can hack into this cycle and make it work for positive change in our lives. First, create a positive emotional base – Our emotions are chemically powered. Dopamine generates pleasure. Adrenaline generates risk taking. Serotonin generates needs for sleep, appetite and sex. There are more. A lot more. Not only am I NOT suggesting using chemicals to change your moods, I’m offering a better way. These chemicals don’t necessarily all get reabsorbed immediately. There is an inertia to our emotions. While thoughts do trigger emotions, your current emotional set will affect that trigger. The same thought will trigger different emotions when you are happy than when you are sad. Here’s the hack. Change your thoughts by creating a positive chemical base in your head. Add positive feeling activities to your routine, especially right before a challenging or negative situation. Joe, from above, could have listened to positive music or comedians before meals or while exercising. Positive affirmations can also leave you feeling positive. Another way to create a positive chemical cocktail in your head is through body language. It has been clinically proven that standing in the superman or wonder woman pose for 2 minutes will increase your testosterone level significantly. Smiling is proven to actually cause happiness. Make it a habit to strike a pose!!! Second, address your root thoughts. Pay close attention to what thoughts are leading your negative emotions. Are these thoughts realistic? Do they belong to you any more – that is – were they appropriate to a prior you but not appropriate anymore? Are they really your parents thoughts? Etc. Third, create positive habits that lead toward your goal regardless of your thoughts and emotions. For example, Joe switching to smaller plates and drinking lots of water is something he can do regardless of his motivation.

Happy birthday to me

Today is my birthday.  45 years old today.  My business, Wolski Success Partners – a Business/Life Coaching business, is less than 6 months old.  It  is a young but growing business where I have been able to help people Live More.  Laugh More.  Earn More.

The best gift you could give me is to let me help you reach your next goal.  Let me help you focus on you.

If you are living your life to your fullest already or simply aren’t ready to step up to the challenge, the next best gift you could give me is to spread the word about my business.  You can do that by liking, sharing, commenting or reposting on any of my blog posts.

False pride a.k.a. the damage participation awards cause

I volunteered for a local middle school’s after school program, First Lego League competition.  This is a great program were middle schoolers from across the world compete in a series of events including a research program and a robotics program.  In the research program, the kids research a problem and propose novel solutions.  In the robotics program, the kids build and program a robot to solve a series of challenges prescribed by First Lego League.  We lost.  My kids did well but not great.  Other teams simply out performed us.

After we found out that we didn’t win, I asked the kids, “so . . . . . what did we learn?”  Yes, that is a question I ask anytime someone doesn’t achieve their goals.  It is also a question I ask when someone does achieve their goals.  Basically it is a great question.  I ask it of myself more than I ask anyone else.  In fact, once this is posted, I’ll start asking myself what did I learn.  Could my title have attracted more readers?  Could my writing have inspired more shares, likes or comments?  Could I have promoted this piece better or harder or more effectively?

These questions should be answered honestly and without blame.  Simple matter of fact answers that allow us to learn and grow.  Simple matter of fact answers that allow to do better next time.  This is where I got into trouble with the kids.  The kids answered, “To always try your best.”  While on the surface that is a good answer, kids have learned that if they say “try your best” adults will typically move along.  Unfortunately for them, I’m not your typical adult.  “So,” I asked, “did you try your best?”  “Yes!”

“Actually, you didn’t.”  The looks on their faces were priceless.  It is not a comment they hear in our participation trophy culture.  I listed a few simple matter of fact points to highlight my claim.  “You met once a week for about 90 minutes.  We know that the other middle school’s team met four times a week for three hours.  You were tasked with writing your script for your presentation as homework.  You didn’t do it.  Instead, you showed up and practiced it for the first time on the morning of the competition.  I’m not assigning blame.  I’m showing that the effort that WE (and I really stressed “we”) put in didn’t add up to a win.”  Perhaps I went on a bit more.  Yeah, ok I went on a lot more and that is something I’m asking myself what I learned.  That is a separate post.

That was when they pushed back.  “Don’t you want us to feel proud?”  I’m not sure how to even describe their tone.  It was whiny and combative at the same time.  I guess that is how to describe it.  My answer?  “No.  If you had put in the effort and lost, I would say feel proud.  If you want to feel proud for putting in 1/8th the work of the other school and doing ok but not winning, go ahead.  It matters what your goal is.  Did you do this to just have a little fun with a little effort?  If so, we had fun but fun is not pride.  If you wanted to win, the fact is the effort you put in was insufficient.  You had the ability to win (they really are a bright group of kids) but you chose to not put the required effort to win.”

They didn’t like it.  I’m not sure that understood it but it needed to be said.  I know they hated it but I hope it will help them make better decisions about putting in effort in the future.  Too many times we strive for mediocre.  Aiming for mediocre is a sure way to never be great.

I want to say that again:  Aiming for mediocre is a sure way to never be great.

Please share with us.  Where have you aimed for mediocre?  Why?  What will make you strive for greatness next time?  (And of course)  What did you learn?

Nice your way to health, wealth and happiness

Am I saying that being nice will lead to health, wealth and happiness?  Well, no.  I’m not saying it.  Science is.

Dr. Hamilton sums up The Five Side Effects of Kindness here: http://drdavidhamilton.com/the-5-side-effects-of-kindness/

He claims the five side effects are that we are:

1.) We are happier: This isn’t simply at a feel good level.  It gets physical.  Studies show that doing acts of kindness raises our levels of endogenous opioids.  If “endogenous opioids” doesn’t mean too much to you, let’s just say these are the natural versions of morphine and heroin produced by your brain.  These opioids lead to elevated levels of dopamine which causes a natural high.

2.) Healthier hearts: This isn’t the paper cutout type heart either.  Acts of kindness actually release oxytocin.  This starts a process that leads to expanding blood vessels, lowering blood pressure.  Sure time on the treadmill helps but helping that little old lady cross the road helps as well.

3.) Slows aging:  Oxytocin also lowers levels of free radicals and inflammation, two factors that lead to aging.  What would you rather do, a kind deed or eat a cup of kale?  Compared to kale, putting out a little extra effort to be kind doesn’t seem so bad after all.

4.) Improves relationships: Well duh.  Being kind to people improves your relationship with them.  When relationships are stronger, people work harder for each other and they are more productive.  People also go out of their way to promote kind people.  From my own life, I can testify to this.  A co-worker and I were presenting to our boss’s boss.  The co-worker and I got along but didn’t normally associate with each other.  I went out of my way to be sure that our boss’s boss understood how hard my co-worker was and how important his efforts were to my successes.  At our next several meetings, my co-worker went out of his way to make sure the executives understood that MY EFFORTS were important part of his successes.

5.) It is contagious: People are more kind when they witness kindness.  Kindness does pay forward.  Acts both small and large cause others to be kind.  Those people do acts of kindness to others and so on and so on.

It is important to do these acts of kindness simply for the act of kindness.  Don’t expect others to pay you back.  Don’t expect recognition.  Simply be nice, feel good and let kindness work for you.

So what acts of kindness have you done recently?  How did it make you feel?