Category Archives: Goals

Wheel of Life

The Wheel of Life is a tool a lot of coaches use to gauge where a new client is and where they need some help.  It is a pretty simple and straight forward tool.  Basically, for each category of your life you rate it on a one to ten scale.  When you plot those ratings on a radial graph, it looks like a wheel.  A well balanced life would look like a nice large wheel.  Maybe not completely circular but nearly so.  If your ratings are vastly different, say one of your categories is at a 3 and the rest are at an 8, that wheel won’t roll very easily.

I’ve seen dozens of versions of the Wheel of Life.  Generally speaking, the wheel uses categories like Health, Wealth, Growth, Career, etc.  All slightly different versions of the similar theme.  This morning I came across www.mindtools.com.  I don’t have personal experience with them but they have an interesting twist to the Wheel of Life tool.  In addition to the more generic categories above, they add categories that many people feel are definitional, for example, father, husband, manager, etc.  I have to admit, I like it.  By including these definitional categories, it really cuts to what matters to many people and that is the point of the Wheel of Life.

What Mind Tools did not do, unfortunately, is take it to the next level.  That is, once you have rated all of your categories, then go back and ask yourself what you can do to improve each rating by two points.  The answer to that question can determine what your short term goals should be.  I like to break that down a step further and add a concept of time to the questions.  For example, what can I do in the next year to improve my ratings by two points and what can I do today to start to improve my ratings.

New plan

How I work with my clients has evolved over the last couple of years. Originally, I only offered weekly hour long sessions with a mix of live and virtual interactions. However, we covered too much in an hour so that many of my clients felt overwhelmed with the homework they had to do.

I started offering a biweekly hour long call, only via phone. That gave my clients more time to do their homework. Unfortunately, that also meant a loss of accountability. To help with that, I added text and email support between calls. Some clients go for the weekly offering, especially in the beginning but most prefer biweekly.

Now, by client request, I’m adding another option. I’m offering a weekly 30 minute call supported by text and emails in between. The thirty minute format will require that we really stay on task and will help prevent my clients from taking on too much in between sessions. The text/email also adds accountability. I’m really excited about this new option.

Reach out if you are stuck and need someone to help push and drive you out of your slump.

Please share this post. You never know who in your life is floundering and needs a hand or a boot on their behind.

Reinvent your life in four steps

Some times it takes the world slapping us in the back of the head (hopefully figuratively speaking) to realize what we are doing isn’t working anymore.  Who we’ve become isn’t who we want to be.  Losing a job, having spouse leave or just watching something amazing you’ve worked for fall apart can be scary.  It can also be an amazing period of self-realization.

So what do you do when you, the real you down deep in your psyche and not the “you” everyone else in your life sees, has become the square peg being shoved into the round hole of your life?  Realize it is less about reinventing yourself and more about reinventing your life.

1.) Do no harm – The first thing you need to do is to stop the damage, if there is any.  Sometimes we’ve been shoved so far into that round hole, damage is being done.  This could be over spending or pushing away loved ones or even just copious amounts of self-medication.  If you are doing anything that could cause lasting harm to yourself, your life or anyone else, work on that first.

2.) Make a little space – Life and habit conspire to keep us doing the same thing we’ve always done.  Change takes effort and effort takes time.  Odds are pretty good that your life is full.  Now it may not be full of what we want it to be full of but nature abhors a vacuum.  Decouple yourself from something.  Say no to a commitment and walk away.  Carve out a little time where you can work on you.

3.) Understand what you want/what you value – It is very difficult to find or create your own square hole if you don’t know what it looks like.  This can be a major step.  Talk to different people.  Read different books.  Keep a journal of things that excited you today.  Do the 20 in 20 exercise.  Make a list of things that you value and keep it handy when you are making decisions.

4.) Take action – Start small but start making changes today.  You don’t necessarily need to change cities or quit your job to start having a new life that fits you.  Remember, it is as important to stop doing things that aren’t right for you as it is to start doing things that bring meaning to your life. Progress not perfection.

What is your story about reinventing yourself?

20 in 20

I’m sure I’ve written about this tool, trick, hack before but it definitely is worth repeating. It is probably the most useful bit of homework that my clients enjoy. Well “enjoy” might not be the right word. Maybe “productive”.

Basically it is a free writing exercise with a few bounds. It can be used to push for creativity or for honesty. It can bring world peace. Ok, that might be a little hyperbole but it is a great tool that can help you push back limitations.

Go to a quiet place with few distractions. Put your cellphone on silent. Set a timer for twenty minutes. On a piece of paper (yes I recommend paper for this task) write across the top the problem you are trying to solve. Well it could be a problem or a challenge or an exploratory question. Then for the next twenty minutes write out as many responses as you can. Aim for twenty responses. To get twenty, you don’t have time to judge, edit or criticize your responses. Don’t put a lot of thought into any response because the clock is ticking. Remember you are not looking for quality responses, just a lot of them.

After the alarm rings, put the paper away without reading it. Let a day pass. Do things that allow your thoughts to flow. Really how many great ideas come to you in the shower or waking from a dream. Then go back to the paper. Read over your responses without editing or judging them. Set the timer for another twenty minutes. Try to add more responses or flesh out the responses you’ve already wrote down. At this point, you are adding, not editing. No criticism.

Let one more day pass. Go for a walk. Now reread all of your ideas. Circle anything that speaks to you. Pick the three best responses. Also pick the wildest response and the most “out there” response. Set your timer on last time. Now take those final five responses and add as much to them as you can. Include things you circled on responses that didn’t make the cut.

This is a great tool for “questions” like:

1.) What do I want to accomplish this year?

2.). Why do I hate my job?

3,) How could I get more customers?

4.) Why is my boss acting like a jerk?

5.) Why should I take this job?

6.) What would make me happy?

As you can see, it has a wide range of uses. It helps you tap into your subconscious and trap your underlying thoughts in writing.

Are you really asking for help?

This came up again recently with a client.  He is looking to find new connections (networking) on the road to landing contract work.  He’s having a bit of a blockage making those phone calls.  I’ve had other clients who had similar blockages asking for introductions for a new job.  There is something about making those calls that is blocking these professionals because it feels like they are asking for help.  These otherwise talented and skilled professionals have a weakness.  They are used to being the ones to offer help.

A simple shift of perspective can help.  My client is a confident, talented professional.  He is not asking for help.  He is offering to help.  The greatest need of businesses and organizations is talent.  Finding that talent can be very difficult.  My client has done the hard work of finding a skilled professional for the person he is calling…….himself.  He has already saved them a lot of effort.  He is now offering to bring his skills and talents into their organization.

Are you having a hard time reaching out to someone?  Are you really asking that person for help or are you offering your services?  Share this link if you know someone who’s having a hard time networking.  Comment below if you want to share your stories or get another point of view.

Pleasure with Pain

If you break motivation down into it’s simplest form, we are motivated to either seek pleasure or avoid pain.  Now I know many of you are rejecting that, saying that you are much more complex than that but stick with me for a minute.  Pleasure can include everything from a taste of a delicious juicy hamburger with tempura fried bacon on it (yes, tempura fried bacon exists, I’ve had it and I’m obsessed) to love.  Pleasure includes security and peace.  Pleasure can also include spirituality.  Pain on the other hand isn’t just limited to physical pain.  It can include fear, embarrassment, social rejection, insecurity, hungry, loneliness, etc.  The list can go on quite a while.

Unfortunately, the world isn’t so simple as that.  How do you stack up pleasure that will happen six months from now vs. pain happening today, for example dieting and exercising for six months so that you can look good for the upcoming high school reunion?  How do trade off one pain vs. another, for example my back hurts right now and I know 30 minutes of stretching will help…..but I don’t really like the stretching either?  How do you exchange one pleasure for one pain, for example spending on a big celebration when money is tight?

It is ok to allow our subconsciousness to handle these decisions of which pleasure to seek and which pain to avoid as long as we are ok with the outcomes.  Really, your subconscious is making hundreds of decisions a day and you don’t want to get stuck in trying to analyze each and everyone.  When you are not happy with your situation, whether it be financial, relationship, health, etc., stop and consider which decisions are leading you in the wrong direction and why you are making that decision.  It might be helpful to try to frame those decisions in a trade off between pleasures and pain.  You might have to ask yourself “why” a few times because most people are slow to admit what is really going on in their decision making.  Once you understand the tradeoffs, then work to enhance different pleasures, minimize different pains and (frequently) work to pull future pleasure into the moment.

Examples help.  I was telling the truth, my back is killing me right now.  It is a chronic issue that comes back a few times a year.  This one is as bad as it has gotten in probably the last five years.  Nothing to do but stretches.  My wife has a yoga video that does wonders for my back…….but I really don’t enjoy it.  So I have a literal pain, my back.  Seems like I should be able to jump up and fire up that video.  Why aren’t I?  Well, I know from experience the yoga tape won’t make my back feel better right away.  So the pain avoidance isn’t really an immediate pay off.  I find yoga to be pretty boring.  I know my yoga loving friends tell me I’m not doing it right if I’m not loving it but I don’t love it.  There is a certain level of mental pain that comes along with doing yoga for me.

So how do I motivate myself to go do those stretches, well in this case I brought in another pain, social embarrassment.  By writing and posting this, I sort of have to go do the yoga.  If I don’t, I’ll be a bit embarrassed that I let my laziness and procrastination let me sit here in pain.  Alright.  I’m going to go do some downward dogs.

Comment if you need some help affecting change.  Please share.  Imagine the pleasure you’ll get if this helps someone you know.

You can do anything but you probably won’t

Only 8% of people succeed in their New Year’s Resolutions.  That is 92% of people create a goal that is important to them, commit to themselves to go after the goal and then fail to achieve it.  25% of them don’t even make it through the first week before they give up on their goals.  Most people simply aren’t willing to commit to their dreams.

One of the most common reasons people fail to achieve their goals is that they are afraid of failing.  One study showed that a significant percent of people don’t even apply for jobs that might be a bit of a stretch.  They are too embarrassed.  What if they get the interview and aren’t qualified……how embarrassing!  I hope you read that with as much sarcasm as I intended, because I intended a lot of sarcasm.  Buckets and buckets full.

Imagine what you could accomplish if you were not afraid to fail.  The reality is reality isn’t likely to be holding you back.  It isn’t your education or your looks.  It isn’t your speaking ability or your financial resources.  These are obstacles but other’s have overcome them, why not you?  Tom Petty is a singer?  Some people think Keith Richards was a sex symbol?  Donald Trump is the president?  Think about that one for a minute.  If these people achieved their goals, why not you?

Achieving a goal is like building a bridge.  Slow down.  Take a step, just one step today, and work toward your goal.  Don’t worry about the end.  Don’t worry about other people’s impression.  Just take a step today and then another.

What’s stopping you? Hint: It is probably you.

One of the most common excuses for NOT doing something is lack of preparation.  In an Hewlett Packard annual report, they say the men will apply for a job when they are only 60% confident in their ability to do the job while women will only apply when they are 100% confident in their ability to do the job.  Imagine how many capable women decided to not apply for a job that they would have excelled at.  How many opportunities were missed because they wouldn’t even apply.  Speaking as someone who has hired people, there were times that I would have loved to meet someone who was only 85% ready for the job as listed because I didn’t have enough strong candidates for the role.

This isn’t just about jobs either.  Are you pursuing a dream?   Are you spending your time doing the things that you love and are taking you to a place you want to be?  It not, what is holding you back?  Are you waiting for some else to tell you that you are ready?  They never will.  Are you using the excuse that you aren’t prepared yet?  STOP!  In reality, if you aren’t taking actions today to move you toward your dreams, the only one at fault.  The good news is that you can change that right now.

Each morning, ask yourself what can you do today to improve your life and your community.  Ask yourself what small action can you take.  If you have a little voice in your head, note its concerns because it may have something important to say but don’t let it stop you.

Take the leap.  Pack your parachute on the way down.

Tell me in the comments what’s holding you back.  I’ll share what I can that might help.

Please share because your friends may be holding themselves back right now.